"True healing can not take place without the journey through the grieving
process"¹. An important role of a funeral is to facilitate
grief. "If [the funeral] is done well, [it] can be an important adjunct in
aiding and abetting the healthy resolution of grief"².
As our culture is "largely death-denying and death-defying"¹, making the loss real to the bereaved is a very important task of
mourning. Accepting the reality of the loss is the very
first task of mourning to be achieved. "There is always
a sense that it hasn’t happened"². Perhaps we find it easier to deny the
death, and to believe it has not happened, but the funeral provides a place
in which this denial can be directly addressed. People must "come full face with the reality that the person is dead and
will not return".² By seeing the body of a lost loved one, it helps "bring
home the reality and finality of death"² to us. The funeral
practice provides a setting in which viewing the deceased is appropriate,
acceptable and healing.
In American culture, we have been taught to hold back public displays of
mourning so as not to make others uncomfortable. We are encouraged to
shed tears in private. This isolation can lead to unhealthy grief. Our
funeral homes and cemeteries provide a venue in which mourning can take
place socially. The funeral service setting can assist the bereaved in
expressing the feelings and thoughts about the departed. At the funeral,
the bereaved is provided an opportunity to engage in discussions about
the dead, to hear or share eulogies and other stories about the
deceased. The need to express one’s feelings in a safe place is
important in promoting grief, and we
should give people "permission to acknowledge and express emotions".¹
"The funeral service can help the grief process, as it allows
people to talk about the deceased".² Please
share your thoughts on funerals and or viewings. How do you feel they aid the bereaved survivors? What else do you think is helpful to survivors in accepting such a loss?
¹ Roussell, J.O. (1999). Dealing with Grief: Theirs & Ours. Staten Island, NY: Alba House.
² Worden, J.W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy. A Handbook for the Mental Health
